


crackhead galore

by cheesy_deaky19



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Alot of swearing, Anyways, Book - Freeform, Brian May - Freeform, Delilah - Freeform, Freddie Mercury - Freeform, John Deacon - Freeform, LMAO, Queen (Band) - Freeform, and, and bye, car fucker, disco deaky, dont read this shit, okay, smart ass - Freeform, suks, thank you, this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-07 01:10:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20300980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheesy_deaky19/pseuds/cheesy_deaky19
Summary: Freddie made agroup chat and name himself 'The Queen' while the others 'peasants'.they basically talk shit to each other, and oh- theyre all crackheads.ive been wanting to write this shit so dont stop me now bitches.im probably not even gonna update this.





	1. early birthday of the bassist!

_'The Queen' made a groupchat. _

_The group chat name: '**p is for peasant'**_

_'The Queen' added 'Bri the peasant' _

_'The Queen' added 'Rog the peasant' _

_'The Queen' added 'protect me' _

**Rog the peasant**: what the fucccccckkkk? why is my name 'rog the peasant'?

**Bri the peasant**: i smell _ favoritism._

**protect me**: Fred, im considered an adult.  
calm ur tits.

**protect me**: nvrmnd, u dont have one.

**The Queen**: is that a personal attack or something?

**The Queen**: and yes, i want to protect you. your too much of a soft boy. uwu

**Bri the peasant:** anyways, i have to polish something, see you all in a bit.

**Rog the peasant**: what are you going to polish? ur clogs?

**The Queen**: that feeling that we thought ur smarter than us,

**protect me**: you cant polish clogs Bri.

**Bri the peasant**: i thought it was going to work, but i guess not...

**Rog the peasant**: what are you gonna do anyways?

**Bri the peasant**: i was going to the studio, i left something there,

**The Queen**: and you dont want us to be there? mhm. i see.

**protect me**: bitch let me go with you, i want to play roger's drums.

**Rog the peasant**: my drums? deaky... please dont break it, please. just please.

**The Queen**: BREAK IT!

**Rog the peasant**: what a hoe...

**Bri the peasant**: sure deaks, you can go. just dont break rog's drums. because im sure that i have to buy a new one for him, IF you broke it.

**Rog the peasant**: my sugar daddy.

**The Queen**: thats the weirdest shit ive ever seen.

**Bri the peasant**: bitch,

**protect me**: ok Bri, wait for me u hoe, if you dont ill break ur telescope.

**The Queen**: he will never forgive you deaks.

**Rog the peasant:** ill be his sugar daddy and buy him a new one.

**Bri the peasant**: fuck you.

**protect me**: bri, where are you? im already outside, BRI WHERE ARE YOU? DID YOU GOT KIDNAPPED!!?

**Bri the peasant**: uh, no. im in the washroom

**Bri the peasant**: i think i drank too much water that i got in fridge.

**Rog the peasant**: its not water Bri, its Propel.

**The Queen**: what the hell do you mean?

**Rog the peasant**: it is not meant for you to drink it like water.

**Bri the peasan**t: well then. i fucking messed up.

**Bri the peasant**: ill be there in a minute deaks, calm.

**protect me**: alright. i thought you got kidnapped or dragged by michael's llama

**Bri the peasant:** possible.

_'The Queen' is offline. _

_'Bri the peasant' is offline. _

_'protect me' is offline. _

_'Rog the peasant' is offline. _

_Group chat between Roger, Freddie and Brian. _

**Brian**: how am i going to distract him?

**Roger**: i dont know hoe, bring him to the pub or something after the studio.

**Freddie**: we have to set up the house, maybe give us 3-4 hours???

**Roger**: i regret.

**Brian**: regret what?

**Freddie**: i heard him yell 'LIVING IN A BIG HOUSE!'

**Brian**: just do it, deaky is special.

**Freddie**: indeed.

**Roger**: alright, ill do it. he's too fucking precious and he deserves the suprise party.

**Freddie**: Alright, see you in a bit.

**Brian**: alright. bye. i hate talking to the both of you anyways.

**Roger**: wow, i feel loved, i thought you were my sugar daddy.

_'Brian' is offline._

_'Freddie' is offline._

**Roger**: so thats how you guys are going to treat me?

_'Roger' is offline._


	2. oops...

_ 'Bri the peasant' is online. _

**Bri the peasant**: guys, im really sorry.

_ 'The Queen' is online. _

_ 'Rog the peasant' is online. _

**The Queen**: what happened? is deaky drunk?

**Rog the peasant**: wtf? he's a little kid Bri. what did you dooo?

**Bri the peasant**: well, yes he's drunk but something else happened..

**The Queen**: what? brian harold may....

**Rog the peasant**: ur screwed, he called you 'brian harold may'

**Bri the peasant**: well, we went to the pub right after. he asked for a light drink, then of course he drank it. then, he told me that he was thirsty, i told him to ask the bartender... then he thought that the vodka (which is for someone else) was water. he drank it and yah....

**The Queen**: it doesnt sound very serious, they only give you little glass of vodka Bri,

**Bri the peasant**: uhm, he heard that someone called Rog a wanker. and he, started a fight with him. and uh..

**Rog the peasant**: me? i- dont understand.

**The Queen**: andd?

**Bri the peasant**: hes fucking injured, and were in the emergency room right now.

_ 'protect me' is online. _

**protect me**: my nickname is misleading.

**Rog the peasant**: it is, well, i just wanted to say thank you... for defending me.

**The Queen**: i know that ur injured John but like, why the fuck did you do that? are you out of your mind? what if they had guns and.... knives. what would you do? ur the youngest here, we have to protect you. ur grounded for a month. i dont care whatever you say, your grounded.

**Bri the peasant**: you have a point.

**Rog the peasant**: damn, sorry deaks that you got injured and grounded.

**Rog the peasant**: ill sneak you out, wait for me,

**The Queen**: *clears my fucking throat*

**Rog the peasant**: i guess not...

**protect me**: anyways, i did that on purpose. i already knew about the 'surprise' birthday party. soo i decided to get injured on my bday to get more attention.

**Bri the peasant**: i hate you, it took us months to find the right theme and you knew about it??

**The Queen**: im fucking dissapointed, anyways.. we actually forgot to set up the house bc, delilah and oscar got sick... so we have to go to the vet.

**protect me**: i did that too.

**The Queen**: ur grounded for 1 more month -_-

**Rog the peasant**: deaks, did you injured your arm or hands?

**protect me**: then why the fuck do you think im typing?

**Rog the peasant**: oh, well i just wanted to ask if you could, braid my hair...

**The Queen**: im seriously jealous.

**Bri the peasant**: John is the only one who can touch rog's hair.

**Rog the peasant**: hes good at braiding, you little hoes.

**Bri the peasant**: uhhh, sureee #.#

**Rog the peasant**: i dont shag with him, calm ur self down.

**protect me**: soo... is the party cancelled?

**The Queen**: ask Bri.

**Bri the peasant**: why me? ask Rog,

**Rog the peasant**: ask Fred.

**The Queen**: no, you.

**Bri the peasant**: i can sense an argument.  
i dont wanna get involved.

_ 'Bri the peasant' is offline._

**protect me**: might as well go with him.

_ '_ _protect me' is offline._

**Rog the peasant**: no, u.

**The Queen**: you decide.

**Rog the peasant**: no.

**The Queen**: bich, alright you said no.

**The Queen**: the argument has been settled.

**Rog the peasant**: do you wanna braid my hair?

**The Queen**: uh, yes please. ill take whatever, im actually jealous of deaks. .-.

**Rog the peasant**: tomorrow, ill tell you when.

**The Queen**: oh- okay. i didnt expect you to agree but sure....

_ 'Rog the peasant' is offline_

**The Queen**: alright--

_ 'The Queen' is offline. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cannot, i posted a second one, sorry if i actually suck at writing. 
> 
> thanks for the future kudos and comments.


	3. nickname

_ 'Rog the peasant' is online_

**Rog the peasant**: give me the permission to change everybody's name.

_ 'Rog the peasant' changed his nickname to: 'car fucker'_

_ 'car fucker' changed 'protect me' to 'disco deaky*'_

* or deacy, however you spell it, lmao but i spell it with the letter 'k'.

_ 'car fucker' changed 'Bri the peasant' to 'smart ass'_

_ 'car fucker' changed 'The Queen' to 'delilah'_

_ 'smart ass' is online._

**smart ass**: wow, thanks roger i appreciate it, you really hate me, dont you?

**car fucker**: nah, i just think its more accurate.

**smart ass**: i dont know if i should take that as a compliment or no..

_ 'disco deaky' is online._

**disco deaky**: oh nice, i didnt want the 'protect me' as my nickname anyways,

**car fucker**: well, i guess.. ur welcome.

**smart ass**: fred, are you okay?

_ 'delilah' is online._

**delilah**: aww, thanks rog,

**car fucker**: no problem.

**smart ass**: fred, are you okayyyyy?

**delilah**: hahahahaha, i just found that 'car fucker', 'disco deaky', and 'smart ass' is funny. 

**delilah**: but i like the peasant tho.

_'smart ass' is offline._

_ 'disco deaky' is offline._

_ 'car fucker' is offline._

**delilah**: guys?

**delilah**: guys?

**delilah**: well i guess i'm talking to myself now.

_ 'delilah' is offline._

** _finally, Roger admitted that he's a car fucker. _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall, its just a short one. idk but, i just wanted to update. so forgive my ass if its trash.


	4. I'm in Love with My Car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> roger's car song.

_'disco deaky' is online._

**disco deaky**: roger, whats that new song that you just wrote?

_'car fucker' is online._

**car fucker**: oh, do you really wanna know? 

**disco deaky**: uh, yah, thats why i asked you. 

**car fucker**: you folks will not like it, for sure. 

**disco deaky**: dont tell me, its about ur car. 

**car fucke**r: how did you know? 

**disco deaky**: u fucking left the lyrics on the counter top, dumbass. 

**disco deaky**: i showed freddie and brian. they dont approve it. 

_'delilah' is online. _

**delilah**: roger, were not putting it on the b-side. evrybody would think that ur weird. 

**car fucker**: do you think i give a shit? 

**delilah**: i mean you've been shagging with alot of girls, so i dont think so. 

**disco deaky**: roger, just write another one,

**disco deaky**: another song that's not about cars.. 

**car fucker**: how dare you? 

**delilah**: its fucking weird roger. 

**disco deaky**: it is. nobody would listen to ur song. 

'_smart ass' is online._

**smart ass**: roger, 

**smart ass**: i 

**smart ass**: dont

**smart ass**: like 

**smart ass**: it

**car fucker**: but, its my song, come on guys. ive been wanting to release it and sing it with my vocals.

**car fucker**: i put my heart and my soul into this song.

**disco deaky**: no one is disputing that rog,

**car fucke**r: and you dont like it because you want ur songs on the album!

**disco deaky**: its not that, roger.

**car fucker**: then what is it?

**smart ass**: _I'm in Love with my car? _ really? 

**disco deaky**: i agree with brian. 

**smart ass**: maybe it's not strong enough?

**car fucker**: what does that even mean not strong enough? huh? brian tell me. 

**delilah**: i'm a bit late, what did i miss?

**disco deaky**: discussing about roger's car. his song about a fucking car.

**smart ass**: is it strong enough? thats all i'm asking. thats all. 

**smart ass**; if i'm on my own here, then i apologize

**car fucker**: then how does ur new song go then? mhm? 

**car fucker**: _"you call me sweet like i'm some kind of cheese," _

**smart ass**: it's good, you know.. 

**car fucker**: wow, 

**smart ass**: _'"when my hands on your grease gun.." _that's very subtle isn't it? 

**car fucker**: _**its a metaphor brian,**_

**disco deaky**: it's just a bit weird roger, what EXACTLY are you doing with that car??

**delilah**: children please, we could all murder each other, but who would be left to record this album? 

**disco deaky**: statistically speaking, most bands don't fail, they break up. 

**delilah**: i know that ur the youngest but like, why the hell would you say something like that?

**disco deaky**: idk..

**delilah**: roger, there's only room in this band for one hysterical queen.

**smart ass**: you know why ur angry roger? 

**car fucker**: why? 

**smart ass: **cause you know that ur song is not strong enough. 

**disco deaky**: not the bacon roger. 

**smart ass**: why did you come to my room and threw bacon at me? 

**car fucker**: is that strong enough?

**car fucker**: what about this? 

**disco deaky**: roger, why the coffee machine? 

**smart ass**: **NOT THE COFFEE MACHINE!**

**car fucker**: i'm gonna put it in the b-side anyways, nobody can stop me. 

**car fucker**: ... or else i'm gonna lock myself up in the cupboard. 

**smart ass**: we cant let you do that roger. 

**disco deaky**: we cant let you die, ill break ur drums then.

**car fucker**: u know what nevermind. 

**car fucker**: ill still put it in the b-side. 

_'smart ass' is offline._

_'disco deaky' is offline._

_'delilah' is offline. _

**car fucker**: ill take that as a yes.

_'car fucker' is offline. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall, this is a boring chapter, ik :v forgive me. i got the scene from borhap, i just feel like it deserves to be here. lmao. thanks for reading my boring chapter and book.


End file.
